Friday thoughts: 1/11/2019

I don't know about where you're at, but the weather turned bitterly cold here this week! I've been huddling under some blankets when I have time to sit down. I don't mind the cold, but it sure would be prettier if we had some snow- we may get an inch or two tomorrow, but nothing major. Boo on that!

I've got some interesting links to pass along this week, so let's get started!


*C diff Spores on Bedsheets Survive Hospital Laundering*

Eek.

Passing this along as an FYI, in case you or someone you know may benefit from this info. I have a cousin who is hospitalized often and who has had numerous C diff infections, and maybe this is why. What with the growth of antibiotic resistance, these infections are no joke.


*Thinspo, Houseporn, and the Tyranny of Unrealistic Expectations*

YES.

YES. YES. YES.

If you read any of these links, this is the one. Naomi (whom I know, and who is awesome, and who is a fabulous writer; Cat Pictures, Please was one of the best books I read in 2017, and I'm not just saying that. I don't normally enjoy short stories, but I loved every story in this book) discusses the overlap between internet fitness photos and the HGTV-inspired house photos that look like no one lives there, and how unrealistic both standards are, and how terrible they are for the mindset of most people.

"With both food, and stuff, in the span of a few generations, we’ve gone from needing to work hard to bring it in, to having to vigilantly spend a lot of time and energy keeping it out," she writes, and the accuracy of this statement is jarring. I'd never thought of it in those terms, but it's so true. There are so many things I enjoy that I actively keep out of the house- Oreos, Cheetos, peanut butter M&Ms- because they're not good for me, and I feel the same way about items that are just going to become excess clutter. It's straight-up work to keep stuff from taking over (papers, kid art projects, that item you said you'd use but never got around to), just like it's difficult to constantly say no to foods that tempt us, or difficult to work it off when we've eaten too much.

"It’s not enough to be thin: you need visible abdominal muscles, which is difficult for men and often straight-up impossible for women, at least without an eating disorder or the use of anabolic steroids. It’s not enough to be clean and organized: you need a house with no visible evidence of actual inhabitants." Again, this hits hard. The pressure of trying to achieve these unrealistic ideals is intense, and they come from all corners, including friends and family. And how are you supposed to live, to play with your kids and relax, in a house that is supposed to look like no one lives there? I've been shamed for this before (not here; by family), and it feels terrible, but it's not any better when we're the ones shaming ourselves. 

I loved this post, and I hope you do too.


*FDA cracks down on abuse of anti-diarrhea medication*

Sigh.

Addiction is a problem, a huge problem. A medical problem.

And instead of treating it as the medical problem that it is, we punish it.

And we punish everyone else because of it.

I don't know about you, but I'm none too happy about being treated as though I'm a criminal when I'm standing at the pharmacy counting, snuffling and coughing all over while I'm hunting for my driver's license so they can make sure I'm only buying the proper amount of effective cold medicine and not a single tablet more. And now, instead of being able to purchase enough anti-diarrhea medication, we'll all get to make multiple trips to the store and just pray we don't have an accident, because we can't quite figure out how to treat addiction (or even that we should treat addiction and not criminalize it) without making everyone else have bathroom accidents as they wait in line to buy medication.

I think I've only used Immodium AD maybe once or twice in my life, but it's just the idea of it, you know? Stuff like this makes me think that before long, we'll all be begging pharmacists for aspirin and antibiotic ointment. It makes me angry. 


*Stay at home mom depression*

"How can you possibly complain about getting to stay at home? I'd LOVE to be able to do that!!!"

If you stay at home with your kids and have even so much as gently expressed disdain at, say, having your baby vomit up peas and breastmilk into your hair, or blowing out their diaper while in public, forcing you to have to wash the baby, the car seat cover, the baby's clothes, your clothes, maybe the upholstery or floor of the car, possibly the walls of your house as you carry the thrashing baby upstairs...you've heard this one. It doesn't matter how difficult being the at-home parent can be, how lonely, how demoralizing or defeating, you're expected to be nothing but thrilled with it all the time (as well as having a perfect house on top of it; see above article on Thinspo and Houseporn).

And that's not fair. Because being at home can be isolating. Some kids, you can't take out that often (my son went to a stage play at age 3 and was so well-behaved, the people around me complimented me; my daughter still can't quite be trusted at a high school choir concert at age 4.5), so getting out of the house, even to child-friendly places like story time at the library (ohhhhhhh, the times we've had to walk out of story time...) isn't always a viable option. 

And the loss of identity is killer. When you're Mom and nothing but Mom, when you get zero validation for your efforts day in and day out (your cleaning is immediately messed up; your food disappears close to immediately, there's no one to say, "Hey, that's awesome! Great work!" and make you Employee of the Month, etc, or you tell your spouse, "Hey, look at this closet I organized today!" and the response is, "I don't feel like it right now"- happened here last night), you start to wonder what all of this is for. Why you even bother. And it's not something you understand until you're in that situation. When all the things you once defined yourself by are now not things you're able to do, it's devastating to your image and your sense of purpose, and you mourn. You mourn deeply. And it doesn't mean you don't love your kids or that you're not grateful to be able to stay at home with them. It just means that being the stay at home parent isn't all fun and games all day long. Much of it is just flat out drudgework. It's laundry, it's vacuuming and sweeping and digging stuff out from under the couch, it's making food that at least one person will complain about or not eat, it's getting up every time you sit down because your kids need a-drink-of-water-can-you-get-this-button-Mama-I-pooped-oh-no-the-cat-threw-up-can-you-fix-this-hey-I-need-a-ride. It's exhausting, and if you don't regularly get breaks, you begin to feel like an unpaid servant, and all used up.

I'm not saying that working moms have it easier- they have their own set of challenges, difficult ones. We stay at home moms just have different ones, and far too often, they go unnoticed, because we're shamed into silence. And this isn't to say that I'm in this place right now, just that I've absolutely been there. My daughter goes to kindergarten next year (we actually register her next month!), and while I'll absolutely miss her, I'm looking forward to having time to focus on my own projects all day long and not being in full-on crisis mode, cleaning up mess after mess and delivering drinks of water every three seconds!


And that's it for this week! As long as I'm feeling up to it, we've got a family get-together on Sunday that will involve traveling the better part of the day, so I'm hoping my achy right hip gets itself together and stops this constant pain- car rides when you're hurting are NOT fun. Been there, done that, many times. I hope you all have a pleasant, relaxing weekend!!!