What's Been Going On: Thursday, 27 January - Sunday, 30 January, 2022

 Good morning and happy Monday from the land of almost-zero-sleep-last-night! (Ugh.) I don’t know if it was just some fluke, or if that was a side effect of the new meds my doctor prescribed me (that’s going to be a problem, if so!), but I was awake almost all last night. A nap today sounds awesome, but it’s also my husband’s late day, so we’ll see if that happens.

I’m slowly, slowly getting back to normal after feeling awful for a good portion of last week. I still get winded and sweaty easily, so I’ve been trying to pace myself and not overdo it, so there haven’t been any great strides or revelations in the past few days, just a slow return to normalcy (I also made it through the whole day yesterday with no headache, so that was a win!). I assume this week will be more of the same- possibly with a few extra naps sprinkled in here and there, thanks to last night!

 

Here's what I’ve been up to- or, not up to, really- the past few days!


Thursday, 27 January, 2022

The migraine I’d been dealing with had left me dehydrated as always, so breakfast consisted of both coffee and a bottle of Powerade Zero (which I keep on hand just for reasons like this!). I did an hour of volunteer work while sitting up (which hadn’t happened much the day before!). This was the only hour of volunteer work I was able to complete last week; I’m highly aware of this and will be looking to make up that extra hour somewhere this week.

I cleaned up the kitchen, and then it was already time for lunch. Afterwards, I finally had the energy to read to my daughter, who, as you remember, had been out of school pending our COVID test results. We read a book about July 4, 1776, and then got about halfway through a book about Anne Frank. I dozed a bit, ran the dishwasher, and relaxed while I played on the computer. After dinner, I did my Duolingo and showered, then came back to find our negative test results waiting for me in our email. Woohoo! I emailed the results to my daughter’s school nurse.

I sat through a good portion (mostly with my eyes closed) of a webinar called Confronting the Rise of School Board Disruptions. When that was over, I read for just a little bit, then went to bed.

 

Friday, 28 January, 2022

After coffee and getting dressed, I wrote and posted my Friday post. Before leaving for school, I brought in the cans from the curb, which had been sitting out there since garbage day on Tuesday (see why I say that if I’m not the one to do it, it won’t get done???). School drop-off was cold and very, very snowy!

Back home, I called the nurse line as instructed by the message I received after messaging my doctor about the increase in migraines and scheduled a 9:30 am appointment with the next available doctor, then headed out a few minutes later. The roads weren’t too bad, but the office is all the way across town, so I left myself plenty of time for travel. The doctor I saw prescribed a preventative and gave me a referral for a neurologist so we can figure out what’s going on. On the way home, I stopped by the library to pick up the interlibrary loan books that had been waiting for me all week!

I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, tidied the living room, and rested until it was time for lunch with my daughter. At home, I took out the compost and recycling, and managed a few bites of lunch, but then my stomach said no thanks (common for me in the days post-migraine). I scheduled my neurology appointment (not until the end of March, but that’s fine) and relaxed on the computer. Dinner was breakfast sandwiches and tater tots, which I threw together quickly. I did my Duolingo, showered, and read, then I virtually attended Shabbat services at my synagogue while lying down in bed, since I felt pretty off and worn out. I finished reading Israel: A Simple Guide to the  Most Misunderstood Country on Earth by Noa Tishby, began reading Invisible City by Julia Dahl, and went to sleep.

 

Saturday, 29 January, 2022

After coffee, I began putting together my monthly recap post for my book blog. I got dressed and ready, and then the whole family headed out to the Science Surplus store, which is about 25 minutes away. My daughter’s behavior there was less than exemplary, a combination of hunger and, I think, just plain pandemic fatigue, so we didn’t spend quite as long there as we would have liked. I finished the recap after lunch.

I worked on my upcoming monthly goals post, then relaxed on the computer for a bit. Then, needing to move a little, I did a 20-minute yin yoga video. Yin is a slower style of yoga where you get into a stretching pose and then just hold it for a minute or two (or more!). If you’re not at all flexible (*waves hand*), it’s definitely challenging, and it was exactly what my stiff self needed after so many days of barely moving at all.

I filled the dishwasher, then curled up in my chair to rest and play on the computer (told you I was taking it slow this week!). After dinner, I did my Duolingo and biked for a whopping ten minutes. I’m NOT pushing it! I showered, put my daughter to bed, and read, then my husband and I watched an episode of Deadly Women before bed.

 

Sunday, 30 January, 2022

After coffee and breakfast, I got dressed, and then it was time to hit up three grocery stores, as we were running low on a few perishable items. This was pretty exhausting (and I was sweaty in the first store. Turn that heat down, people!), but I did come home with a bunch of marked-down mushrooms, so that made me happy! I brought in the groceries and put them all away, then sat for a few minutes to catch my breath.

I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, took out the recycling, and cleaned the kitchen, which was a pretty extensive job. When that was done, I lay down in bed and finished reading Invisible City by Julia Dahl. We had lunch and I supervised my daughter doing her math (I didn’t moan that much while giving birth to her, I swear! Such a penchant for drama, this child!), played on the computer, loaded and ran the dishwasher, then started reading Playing with Matches by Suri Rosen.

After dinner, I did my Duolingo and showered, showered my daughter, read, put her to bed, then continued reading and finished my book. My husband and I watched an episode of Deadly Women before he went to bed and I sat awake for ages. I came downstairs and started reading When It’s Real by Erin Watt to pass the time. It still took me several hours of lying in bed before I finally fell asleep.

 

Not exactly the most productive of weeks- which explain the lack of pictures, nothing all that photographic going on here- but I’m trying not to push recovery and end up with another whopper of a headache. I had planned on getting that extra hour of volunteer work done today, but with barely sleeping last night, I don’t know if that’s going to happen. We’ll see! I’m really hoping this week will be more of a normal week for me, both in terms of productivity and health.

I hope you’re having a lovely start to your week!

Friday links: 28 January, 2022

 Happy Friday! Our PCR tests results came back last night: we're both negative, so my daughter is heading back to school today. I'm still not back to 100%; my headache is controlled by a few doses of ibuprofen throughout the day. I put in a message to my doctor to see what she thinks (and they've informed me that I should call the nurse triage line, so I'll be doing that after I drop my daughter off). I've had to be on longer stretches of meds in the past for a headache that just wouldn't die. Apparently, sometimes we just get caught in a headache cycle and need a little extra help to break out of it. Fun times. Human bodies really are the worst, aren't they?

Here's what I found interesting in the brief periods I was able to be online this week, mostly lying sideways in my chair with my computer on the footstool in front of me!

Tennessee-based adoption agency refuses to help couple because they're Jewish

I'm sure you can guess exactly how disgusted this Jewish woman is by this story.

I used to live in Tennessee for five years (which makes this story feel even worse, actually), and this doesn't surprise me. There was so, so much hatred and bigotry baked into the culture down there. My husband's kung-fu instructor made a really gross antisemitic slur one day right out in the open, absolutely zero shame about it, and the way people treated their neighbors who weren't Christian was just so utterly foul. 

The real losers in this story are the kids, who are missing out on homes that will love them and cherish them for the unique beings that they are. It's appalling.

Speaking of Tennessee...

A Tennessee School Board's Ban of 'Maus' Speaks to a Much Larger Problem

Oh, Tennessee...

Maus is an excellent book. Fascinating that these people look at a book about the Holocaust, where Jews and other marginalized groups were slaughtered by the millions, and their takeaway is, "Oh noes! Swear words and naked mice!" Imagine missing the point THAT badly.

Nothing about the Holocaust is pretty, and it doesn't need to be- it happened, and we need to learn from it. The eighth graders murdered in the Holocaust didn't get the chance to refuse their deaths; how dare these people claim that a graphic novel version of history isn't appropriate for their eighth graders?

The Jews are tired, y'all.

The Newbery Medal is 100. It's Smuggled Some Real Duds Onto Our Library Shelves.

Truth! 

That's not to say that we realized they were duds at the time they were awarded. Times change, standards change, and we learn and grow and realize that there are things in the books we once loved that...maybe don't look so hot in today's light. It happens, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's a good thing when we're able to recognize where beloved books have failed to remain good teaching tools. It's even okay if those books still give you the warm fuzzies, just as long as you also recognize where they went wrong amidst the things they did right. That said, this is a great article that discusses the controversy of those old Newbery winners that have racist, sexist, and other problematic content. What do we do with those? 

Times change, and that's okay. School curricula can change with them. : )

COVID Parenting Has Passed the Point of Absurdity

Boy howdy, has it. My daughter missed two days of school this week while we waited for our COVID tests to come back. Her school's policy this year is to NOT send any schoolwork home on missed days, and there's no remote learning. She was perfectly healthy those two days (it was me who felt like garbage) and could have been learning or at least keeping up with her class, but instead...nothing. Another reason to scream. (I at least felt decent enough to read some books to her yesterday.)

Be extra kind to the parents in your lives. We're all exhausted from this. (And the part in the article about how Omicron forced us to go back on all the promises we made? YUP. I feel that, so hard.)

Rewilding Is Good for Our Mental Health

I love this! Turning our yards into foresty, native plant paradises benefits not just nature, but us as well. This is something I'd definitely like to do more of in my own yard. My efforts are constrained by my back, however; yardwork is tough when you're not always able to get around easily. I'm good now, but that's not always the case. Maybe this summer...

And that's it for this week! My activities this weekend will depend highly on how I'm feeling, so who knows! I might be busy as a bee; I might spend the weekend loafing in misery. WHO KNOWS??? (Ugh.) Wish me luck, and I wish you a relaxing, peaceful weekend. :) 

What's Been Going On: Monday, 24 January - Thursday, 26 January, 2022

 Little bit different of a post today.

So, Monday was a normal day. I did all my normal things, cooking, cleaning, reading, etc. Around 4pm, when I hauled the trash cans to the curb, I kept feeling dizzy, but just kind of shrugged it off. It happened a few more times throughout the evening.

Around 1:15 am Tuesday morning, I woke up with my head roaring. Migraines are nothing new for me, unfortunately (and at this point, it may be time to talk to my doctor about a preventative). Meds kicked it down to a dull roar, but I still felt terrible. Migraines are a full-body experience for me; I get chills and sweats, stomach problems, sometimes I vomit, it's just all-around unpleasant. But the real problem came later, when I took my temperature. I took it several times, and the highest it was was 101.9 F. 

Not good.

At-home rapid tests came up negative, but Omicron doesn't always cooperate with those, so we kept my daughter home from school (no sense in her potentially spreading an asymptomatic case, if that's what's going on; she has no symptoms or issues whatsoever right now), and she and I went off for the more accurate PCR tests at 9:20 yesterday. Results can take up to three days.

I'm feeling maybe slightly more human today. My head was still pounding a bit when I woke up; whether that's from the leftover migraine, COVID, or dehydration (this could definitely be part of it; I know I haven't been drinking as much as I should, and with all the sweating...not good, again). The ibuprofen I took is helping, as is the coffee I drank (first in days!) and the sugar-free Powerade I'm drinking. I'll keep hydrating throughout the day, and we'll go from there!

So basically, the past two days have been me lying in bed, feeling crummy. Not exactly a fun time, but it could be worse. Hopefully I'll be on the mend soon, and I'll update when our results come in. I hope you're all doing better than I am! :) 

What's Been Going On: Thursday, 20 January - Sunday, 23 January, 2022

 Welcome to a brand-new week! I can’t say I necessarily hate Mondays. The promise of a new week is actually a little exciting. So many possibilities, so many things to enjoy and do, even if we’re doing and enjoying them mainly from the comfort of our own homes. It does help to be a bit of a homebody when there’s a pandemic!

I’m feeling pretty good about my productivity levels this week. There’ve been a lot of naps in there as well- not sure if that’s a hormonal thing, a winter doldrums thing, or just a regular worn-out-from-waking-up-early-every-morning thing. Either way, I enjoyed them. A nap and a good blanket is always a lovely thing. : )

Here’s what I’ve been up to the last few days!

 

Thursday, 20 January, 2022

 

After breakfast and coffee, I edited and posted Thursday’s post. I got dressed and ready, took out the compost (six degrees Fahrenheit outside! BRRR!), and threw some black beans in the Instant Pot. I loaded and ran the dishwasher, and then it was time for a no-standing-outside-walk-directly-in school drop off!

At home, I edited and posted my review for Rookie Move by Sarina Bowen, then settled down for just over an hour’s worth of volunteer work on the computer. When I finished that, I swept and spray-mopped the living room floor, then did 30 minutes of my personal Read Harder project, reading from American Literary Almanac, edited by Karen L. Rood. I tidied the living room and spent a few minutes on the computer before heading over to the school to grab my daughter for lunch.

And then it was time for a relaxing afternoon! I had my lunch, then fell asleep in my chair for a very cozy nap. After I woke up, I played on the computer, then made dinner, One Pot Southwest Pasta- this is a quick and easy favorite around here. After we ate, I did my Duolingo, then headed upstairs for 30 minutes of biking! I showered, put my daughter to bed, then finished reading Notes from an Apocalypse: A Personal Journey to the End of the World and Back by Mark O’Connell. My husband and I watched one episode of Deadly Women before bed.

 

Friday, 21 January, 2022

Breakfast and coffee first, then I began my Friday post. I got dressed, loaded the dishwasher, and scooped the litterbox, before heading out for a very cold school drop off. Thawing out at home, I finished and posted my Friday post, then hit the floor for a 12-minute Pilates abs video. I had a lot of things to do while sitting today, and I wanted to sneak a little exercise in there! This one is a particular favorite, but if you haven’t done any core workouts in a while, it’ll wreck you!

I knit 15 rows of the first square for the blanket for my friend’s children, then did 30 minutes of my personal Read Harder challenge. And then, fool that I am, I repeated that 12-minute ab workout. PHEW.

 

I took my daughter her lunch, ate lunch at home, then began reading Israel: A Simple Guide to the Most Misunderstood Country on Earth by Noa Tishby, and dozed for a bit. I picked my daughter up from school, continued reading, and fell asleep again! I’m blaming the ab workout.

After a dinner of leftovers, I did my Duolingo, loaded and ran the dishwasher, and biked for 30 minutes. I showered, worked on my grandmother’s cross-stitch (I’m making excellent progress!), and virtually attended the streaming services at my synagogue. This week was an interfaith Shabbat service of solidarity and peace, with not just our rabbis, but local pastors and imams from various Christian and Muslim congregations, in response to the hostage crisis last week in Colleyville, Texas. While I wish these kinds of services weren’t necessary, it was lovely to see the support from the community. (I attended one of these in person after the massacre at the Tree of Life synagogue in Pittsburgh; it was standing-room only. It’s nice to live in a place that understands the necessity of coming together in times of tragedy and pain.)

My husband and daughter were having an indoor campout on this night, so I read my book and then went to bed. : )

Saturday, 22 January, 2022

Lazy, quiet Shabbat. Much less stressful than last week’s! AND we woke up to more snow!

After breakfast and coffee, I wrote two book reviews, then ordered several books via interlibrary loan. And then I snuggled with my daughter and husband for a bit, which was lovely. : )

I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and went over my Hebrew flashcards. After lunch, the headache I’d woke up with was still nagging me, so I thought maybe I’d lie down for a bit to try to sleep it off. Two hours of heavy sleep later, I woke up wondering what day it was. THAT was a nap!!! And my headache was gone, for which I was very grateful. I settled down with Prayerbook Hebrew the Easy Way and worked through Chapter 4, Pronouns, adding a few more vocabulary cards to my stack.

After dinner, I did my Duolingo, biked hard for 30 minutes (since I hadn’t gotten much else in the way of exercise this day!), showered, put my daughter to bed, and read. My husband and I watched an episode of Deadly Women before bed.

 

Sunday, 23 January, 2022

Work day!

After breakfast and coffee, I loaded and ran the dishwasher, got dressed, stripped the bed, and started my first load of laundry. I folded several loads and put a little of it away. I helped my daughter with her math homework (FOUR PAGES OF MATH PROBLEMS! She’s SEVEN!!!), switched the laundry, unloaded the dishwasher, and tidied a bit of my kitchen shelves that serve as my open-air pantry (since my regular pantry is the size of a broom closet, sigh).

As I was waiting for my daughter to finish up her lunch, I visited some blogs, and then we got to work on her room. I don’t normally share before pictures here, because they’re just so, so terrible- remember when I said my daughter can trash a room like no one’s business in minutes?- but here’s what we did (mostly what I did, but she did help).

 Before:

And after:

EXHAUSTING. My right hip was utterly screaming at me afterwards, but that didn’t mean my work was done! I switched the laundry, put all the folded laundry away (because now I could get to my daughter’s closet!), took out the compost and recycling, and made a pot of lentil soup and a batch of corn muffins. Then I was finally able to sit down and tackle two chapters in Le Petit Prince. I hadn’t gotten to any of this book yet this week and was feeling guilty about it! I spent a little time knitting one of the blanket squares for my friend’s children. I’m up to row 27. I had hoped to get a little further, but the cat interrupted me and said it was time to free up my lap. ; )

 

After dinner, I did my Duolingo (and skipped biking; my body was DONE!) and showered. I remade the bed with the washed bedding, then went over my Hebrew flashcards. I showered my daughter, and then it was off to read with me! I read until my husband came upstairs, and then we watched an episode of Deadly Women before going to bed.

 

And so ends the week! I see the potential for a nap in my future today, as I was up early after having a nasty dream in the wee hours of the morning. We’ll see, though; my husband will be working later today, so I’ll have to pick my kiddo up from school (so I’ll have to set an alarm!). It snowed a whole bunch more overnight, so driving to school will be an adventure, since our road isn’t plowed yet. Eep! Have a great week, friends!

Friday links: 21 January, 2022

 Good morning, and happy Friday! I love the two days of being able to sleep in. My daughter often crawls in with us in the early hours of the morning, which is super sweet, but she and my husband are having an indoor campout tonight, so I’ll have the whole bed to myself- until the cat comes in to share my space. Then I’ll be perched on the edge and unable to move half the night, as usual. ;)

Here are the things I found interesting online this week! I’m trying to balance it out a little more and not have SO much doom-and-gloom. It’s tough out there and not always easy to find stories that illustrate the more positive things!

 

Some COVID Patients Need Amputations to Survive

Oof. I’ve seen this. There’s a guy I keep an eye on on Facebook- healthy, about my age, who thought COVID was no big deal, the government was being too controlling, and there was no way he would EVER get vaccinated. And then he got COVID. And then both his legs had to be amputated. He’s not the only one out there like this, either (anyone want to hear about the man whose leg ended up looking like a burnt hot dog thanks to compartment syndrome?). COVID is a nasty disease, and the number of people who continue to claim it’s nothing but the sniffles absolutely floors me when there are stories out there like these.

 

Genetic risk factor found for COVID-19 smell and taste loss, researchers say

Science! At my house, it’s all science, all the time; that’s what happens when you’re married to a molecular biologist whose specialty is genetics. That this has a genetic component to it doesn’t surprise me at all; our genetics determine SO much of our lives, even things you wouldn’t necessarily think of. I’ve gotten quite the science education throughout our marriage! But this is just one of those things that goes to show that COVID can easily turn into a huge problem for a certain subset of people, only they won’t know it until it’s too late (having no sense of smell or taste could be so dangerous. You wouldn’t know if your food was rotten. You couldn’t smell smoke in your house, or smell if your baby’s diaper needed a change). I feel so bad for the people who have been dealing with this.

And for some happier links…

 

A Couple Dressed as Bees Use Spice Shakers to Spread Native Wildflower Seeds Across San Francisco

Now these are the heroes we need! I love this kind of renegade gardening. The more pollinating plants to attract pollinators, the better off we are, and who couldn’t use a few more flowers in life? This makes me want to set up a seed-filled spice shaker of my own!

And finally…

 

A major study says that at least 65 species of animals laugh

Here’s a little bit of cuteness to start your weekend off right! Animals laugh, too! We’ve all seen pictures of animals looking like they’re smiling, and now we can listen to them laugh. The foxes laughing absolutely kill me, and the rat coming back for more tickles is absolutely adorable. You definitely don’t want to miss this!

 

And that’s all, folks! Stay warm and toasty and SAFE this weekend, whatever you’re doing. Our plan is to spend some of Saturday with my mother-in-law, and we’ll be as safe as humanly possible about it, testing before going (she had COVID over Christmas; my nephew is tested weekly at school). I have books and crafting to occupy the rest of my time, so I’m looking forward to all of that. Shalom, friends. : )

What's Been Going On: Monday, 17 January, 2022 - Wednesday, 19 January, 2022

Happy Thursday! The weekend, and sleeping in, is in sight! (Can you tell I’m tired as I’m typing this? Is it summer yet???)

Bit of a quiet week so far, but that’s okay. The winter doldrums are upon us and the temps are freezing, so I’ve been trying to balance curling up under a blanket and reading the days away with getting plenty of exercise- or at least enough exercise to make my body happy. It’s not always easy to pull myself out from under that warm blanket!

Here's what I’ve been up to so far this week!

 

Monday, 17 January, 2022

After breakfast and coffee, I posted my Monday post, loaded and ran the dishwasher, and threw some chickpeas in the Instant Pot. I got dressed and prepared the non-chickpea parts of Moroccan Chickpea Stew in the crockpot, took out the recycling and compost, scooped the litterbox, and tidied the living room. And then we met up with my sister-in-law and nephew for a snowy hour-and-a-half walk in a local forest preserve.

 

The paths were tramped down enough and covered with fresh snow so that there was zero danger of slipping, and proper clothing kept us warm the whole way. While we were there, we saw a woman walking her husky, and on her chest was a carrier with a huge fluffy black cat hanging out of it! Seriously the greatest thing I’ve seen in a while. She says the cat loves it, and I’m glad she humors it and brings it with her. I wish I could have gotten a picture, but it felt weird to ask.

After lunch, I took a nap and read, then took out the trash and hauled the cans to the curb. I threw some brown rice in the Instant Pot. Dinner was really good. If you end up making that Moroccan Chickpea Stew, don’t skimp on the yogurt, whether vegan or dairy; it really needs that to cut down on the acidity of the tomatoes. We all really liked it!

I did my Duolingo and showered, put dinner away, and unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher. I showered my daughter and put her to bed, then finished reading The Book of Separation by Tova Mirvis and began reading Notes from an Apocalypse: A Personal Journey to the End of the World and Back by Mark O’Connell. My husband and I watched two episodes of Killer in Plain Sight before bed.

 

Tuesday, 18 January, 2022

I would’ve figured our tramp through the woods wore me down enough to sleep well, but not quite enough- I had a terrible night’s sleep. My anxiety decided to ramp up into full gear, and what’s weird is that it was all physical- mentally, I was perfectly fine. It was really a bizarre feeling and lasted throughout most of the day.

After breakfast and coffee, I got dressed and unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher. My daughter gave me some serious attitude at school drop-off- anyone mind if I set up a tent in your back yard for a few years? Decades, maybe?

At home, I did just over an hour of volunteer work. Not my usual day for this, but we had been informed of scheduled power outages on Wednesday, so I wanted to get some of this out of the way. I played on the computer for a bit, then cleaned off the counter next to the microwave and made a jar of taco seasoning for my mom (for whenever it is we get to see her next!). I set up the stovetop full of baking soda and vinegar, to soak for a bit, then refilled my baking soda canister.

After lunch with my daughter, I had lunch myself at home, then wiped down my stovetop and did my 30 minutes of my Read Harder project (reading American Literary Almanac, edited by Karen L. Rood). I dozed for a bit, read my book, played on the computer. Dinner was leftovers, and I did my Duolingo, then headed upstairs for 30 minutes of biking. This left me a sweaty mess, but my anxiety was still so ramped up that I didn’t feel winded at all, because my heart had been pounding like a maniac all day. So, so bizarre.

I showered, then settled into bed with my book, and my husband and I watched two episodes of Killer in Plain Sight before bed.

 

Wednesday, 19 January, 2022

No coffee this morning! I finally opened the almond milk coffee creamer I’d bought from Aldi, and it was…not good. Not the worst, but, just…not good. Totally disappointing. But I had breakfast and made out my grocery list, then got dressed. School drop-off was intensely cold and windy; no idea why they made us stand out there!

I hit up three grocery stores, none of which had any ready-made veggie sandwiches (to take to my daughter for lunch; she’s stopped eating meat, all on her own. I’ve been vegetarian for years), but I did come home with a crapload of marked-down Brussels sprouts and several packages of marked-down mushrooms, so I’m a happy camper! As soon as I got home and put the groceries away, the power went out, just as we’d been warned it would. So I sat down to start on this post, and when it was time, I hopped in the car and drove over to Burger King in order to pick up some Impossible Burgers for a special we-have-no-power lunch for my daughter and me!

Being vegetarian, I hadn’t had fast food like that in YEARS. Guys…it was incredible. That was a seriously good not-burger. I’ll definitely be going back to get more of those from time to time (it’s a good thing I’m extremely frugal with a ton of self-control, because this particular Burger king is about a two-minute walk from my house!). My daughter also really liked it, so it was a win all around.

The power was still out when I got home, and it was about 59 degrees in the house (with a windchill in the single digits outside), so I huddled under the blankets and tried to nap, but a panic attack- still all physical, nothing mental- woke me up. Just as I was putting on extra clothing, the power came back on, hurray! I played around on the computer a bit to relax and calm down (with a mug of coffee, of course!), then dumped the entire litter box and refilled it. And then it was time for school pick-up.

We don’t often take our daughter out, but on this day, I figured it would be safe, and she went with me to Michael’s (a craft store) to pick out some yarn for a project for my friend’s children- this is the friend who recently died; our friend group is knitting/crocheting squares, and one woman is going to piece them into blankets, one for each child. So of course I signed up for two squares. The store was pretty much empty, as I’d assumed, and we were in and out quickly.

At home, I found my needles, cast on the necessary stitches, and knit the first row. I likely won’t have much time to sit and knit until tomorrow, but that’s okay, it’ll be ready and waiting for me!

 I mushroomed the pizza I’d bought for dinner, then threw it in the oven and took out the compost. After dinner, I did my Duolingo, biked for 30 minutes, and showered. After putting my daughter to bed, I continued reading Notes from an Apocalypse, and my husband and I watched an episode of Deadly Women (I think that’s what it’s called) before bed.

 

And that’s it for now! We’re going over to my mother-in-law’s this weekend for a late birthday celebration. She had a breakthrough case of COVID over Christmas (a mild one, thankfully; she was only down for a few days); my nephew is tested weekly in school, and one of us will likely test before going, so we’re being as safe as humanly possible about this. Even then, it’s still a little nerve-wracking! Other than that, more Hebrew study, cross-stitching, reading (and reading Le Petit Prince, which I haven’t managed to do yet this week), and knitting are in the plans for the weekend. Anyone have any interesting weekend plans?

Stay warm and safe out there, friends! 

What's Been Going On: Thursday, 13 January - Sunday, 16 January, 2022

Happy Monday! Oof, what a weekend that was. I’ll get to the why in a little bit, but I hope you were able to find a bit more relaxation than I did. My daughter has today off from school, so we’re enjoying a nice day at home. Potentially a walk at some point today; it’ll be a balmy 30 degrees Fahrenheit, which is definitely warm enough to get out there for some fresh air (and lots of complaining from my daughter, but that’s just a given!).

Here's what I’ve been up to!

 

Thursday, 13 January, 2022

Super quiet day!

After breakfast and coffee, I posted my Thursday post and got dressed. I put some chickpeas in the Instant Pot, and then it was time for school drop-off.

At home, I took out the recycling and compost, then settled down for a little over one hour of volunteer work (working on compiling lists of Tennessee food pantries). When I wrapped that up, I prepared the start of dinner, Chana Saag (a chickpea and spinach curry that we all enjoy). I took lunch to my daughter, had lunch myself, then did 30 minutes of my Read Harder book (American Literary Almanac by Karen L. Rood) and read Rookie Move by Sarina Bowen the rest of the afternoon.

I put the rice in the rice cooker, ran to the library to pick up a book from interlibrary loan, then finished cooking the rest of dinner. After we ate, I did my Duolingo and showered, read my book, put my daughter to bed, continued reading, and watched three episodes of Killer in Plain Sight with my husband before going to bed.

 

Friday, 14 January, 2022

After breakfast and coffee, I wrote my Friday post, got dressed, then posted Friday’s post. My daughter was heavy on the attitude this morning; school drop-off was NOT a fun time!

At home, I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, took out the compost and recycling, then tidied and swept the living room, I went over my Hebrew flashcards, then spent 30 minutes on my Read Harder project. And then I got a message from someone from Freecycle, and I was off to pick up a fishbowl for a future terrarium project! It was just across town; I wouldn’t have made the trip if it had been further, but being so close made it worth it. Stay tuned for whatever I do with this- it’ll likely be a while, but I’m excited about it!

 

I messed around on the computer until it was time to take my daughter her lunch, then I had lunch myself and curled up in the chair to finish reading Rookie Move. And then I pulled out my grandmother’s cross-stitch to get some work done on that while watching YouTube videos. We had leftovers for dinner, I did my Duolingo, and I continued with the cross-stitch and YouTube until it was time to attend my synagogue’s virtual services. The husband and I watched three episodes of Killer in Plain Sight before going to bed.

 

Saturday, 15 January, 2022

I ran the dishwasher before having breakfast and coffee. I got dressed, scooped the litterbox, tidied my daughter’s room and the kitchen, the unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher. I folded a load of laundry, then swept and tidied the living room. And then I ran to the library to pick up another interlibrary loan book! I love when I get those emails.

After lunch, the family went on a three mile walk. It had snowed overnight, so there was a fresh coat of snow over the old, iced-over snow, which is what made this walk possible for me (hurray for no slipping!). It was cold at 23 degrees Fahrenheit, but the sun was out and we were all dressed properly, so we didn’t really feel it. My daughter’s attitude was out in full force, however!

My husband made cocoa and I helped our daughter with her math homework, and then I pulled out Prayerbook Hebrew the Easy Way to begin studying chapter 3. I’d barely started when notifications began coming in about the hostage situation at the Congregation Beth Israel synagogue in Colleyville, Texas.

When it comes to the Jewish people, what happens to one of us happens to all of us, and every single one of us knows that it could have easily been us in that situation. Our synagogues have high-tech security systems complete with cameras, intercoms, and codes needed to enter. Police are stationed there outside every Friday night (or Saturday, depending on when services are held) and Sunday, for Sunday school (which is when most children’s Hebrew and learning classes are held). The juxtaposition of our rabbi wishing us a peaceful Shabbat and then having to walk out past the armed policemen standing guard is jarring, to say the least, but it’s absolutely necessary, and what happened in Colleyville is why. We’re all vulnerable, all the time; it’s just an unfortunate fact of life that comes with being Jewish.

I got the chapter done, but I kept pausing to refresh my Twitter feed for updates and to pray for a peaceful outcome, because I was desperate for updates on the situation. I made a batch of cinnamon-vanilla waffles and scrambled eggs with onion, garlic, and pepper for dinner. I ran the dishwasher, did my Duolingo, showered, and put my daughter to bed. All the time, I was hitting refresh like a madman and praying.

I began reading The Book of Separation by Tova Mirvis, and my husband and I watched two episodes of Killer in Plain Sight. And when he went off to the bathroom to brush his teeth, I refreshed my Twitter feed and let out a cry of relief when I saw that all hostages had been released safely. Baruch HaShem, I felt such a massive, full-body sense of relief upon reading that news. I cried a little. I’m so sorry for the trauma my fellow Jews suffered during that ordeal, and I’m sad that the man who took them hostage felt that that was his only means of receiving attention. I’m sad that he had to be killed for this to be resolved, relieved that my fellow Jews are safe, and desperate to live in a world where something like this never happens again. Can we make that happen, please?

 

Sunday, 16 January, 2022

After breakfast and coffee, I got to work, writing three book reviews to catch up on what I’d read this past week. I got dressed, cleaned up the living room, then unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, and sat down to begin working on this post. : ) I also managed to schedule three doctor appointments for myself (two regular yearly checkups and a follow-up). I’ve been putting this off for ages, so that’s a win!

After lunch, my husband and I did a twenty-minute Pilates video that pretty much wrecked me for the day, so I took a nap afterwards and then continued reading The Book of Separation by Tova Mirvis. My husband made macaroni and cheese for dinner. I did my Duolingo and showered, then read my book, and my husband and I watched two episodes of Killer in Plain Sight before bed.

 

No school today for my daughter and no work for my husband, so at some point in the night, she crawled in with us and we woke up all snuggly. I love mornings like that!

Nothing really big planned for this week, but I’ll have to shuffle a few things around, as we have a planned power outage on Wednesday from 10-1. Other than that, more of the usual! Wishing you all a wonderful, productive week. Stay safe, and stay healthy!

Friday links: 14 January, 2022

 Happy Friday, friends! Be safe if you’re in the path of that giant snowstorm. All we might get are a few flurries, so that’s nothing to worry about.

I definitely need to get the living room tidied up today. My daughter, bless her messy little heart, is a Level A Destructor and can bring down a clean room in seconds. If I want what’s left of my sanity to last throughout the weekend, I need to get this place in better shape before she gets back home from school today, so that’s what I’ll be doing this morning. Wish me luck!

Not many interesting links this week; I haven’t spent too much time online. But here’s what I found!

 

Hospitalizations skyrocket in children too young for COVID vaccines

Oof. So scary. While most of the time kids aren’t hit quite as hard with COVID, it’s not true for all kids. (One of the prevailing hypotheses right now is that there’s something genetic that may contribute to some people getting a worse case than others; I’m wondering if this holds true for kids as well.) I read a story last year of a mom who was an anti-masker, who yelled from the rooftops that COVID was no big deal, and then the youngest of her kids, her two-year-old, ended up intubated in the ICU with emphysema after the family came down with COVID. Protect the little ones in your life; their pulling through this unscathed isn’t guaranteed, and we don’t know the long-term effects. (Post-polio syndrome, anyone? Measles’s SSPE?)

 

The coronavirus may cause fat cells to miscommunicate, leading to diabetes

A fascinating article on how COVID may lead your body down a path no one wants (or no one should want. Trust me on this; my father is a Type 1 diabetic). This is something that worries me deeply, since here in the US, we’ve basically given up and are just sentencing everyone to whatever those long-term effects, including diabetes, may be (and here, diabetes can be a quick death sentence if you can’t afford insulin).

 

Every parent I know wants to walk into the sea right now.

I could have written this. There’s nothing fun about being a parent right now. We’re asked to go against every parental instinct we’ve ever developed and send our children into a building where several kids per day, on average (for my daughter's school; the middle school in town has dozens of kids testing positive each day), test positive for a virus that can have devastating effects- on them, on us if we catch a breakthrough case, on others if we unknowingly spread it (husband and I are double vaxxed and boosted, but it’s those long-term effects I worry about. Long Covid isn’t my idea of a good time, thanks). And we’re losing years of our children’s childhood without being able to make fun memories- or really, any decent memories. My daughter hasn’t eaten in a restaurant in two years. She hasn’t played at a park with other kids or gone into a grocery store since before March 2020, she hasn’t gone to the zoo or the swimming pool since before this started, she hasn’t had a birthday party with friends EVER. We could get a handle on this as a country, but our leadership (from both parties) has actively chosen not to, and we’re all paying for it. Be kind to the parents in your life; we’re all at our breaking points and are being demanded to sacrifice our kids to this. Just over 130 days until school is done for the year for us…

 

Hang in there, friends. Things are so, so hard right now. (Anyone need a partner to walk into the sea with???) This will end eventually, although it’s sure taking its sweet time.

Love and peace to you all, and I wish you a relaxing weekend.

What's Been Going On: Monday, 10 January - Wednesday, 12 January, 2022

 Phew! We’re getting a little bit of a break from the fierce cold, thank goodness. It got all the way up to 38 yesterday. Which is definitely still cold, of course, but it’s nothing like the bitterness of a 6 degree day with the windchill below zero. Our temps will fall again after a few days, so I’m hoping the driveway melts completely before then, because it’s basically an icy death trap right now.

So far, so good with my daughter at school this week. No COVID cases at her school the past two days *knocks on wood*, so hopefully things are starting to slow down a little here. I’ve been doing my best to get things done around the house, now that I’m home alone during the days again, but I haven’t felt all that productive this week yet. Maybe because I’ve been so sleepy due to several nights of poor sleep!

Anyway, here’s what I’ve been up to so far this week!

 

Monday, 10 January, 2022

I threw a batch of white beans into the Instant Pot, then had breakfast and coffee. I edited and posted my Monday post, got dressed and ready, then posted my review for Made in China: A Prisoner, an SOS Letter, and the Hidden Cost of America’s Cheap Goods by Amelia Pang on my book blog.

After unloading the dishwasher, it was time for a very cold school drop-off. Fortunately, when the temperature OR the windchill is below 10 degrees Fahrenheit, they allow students to walk right in, instead of waiting in line outside, so on this day, I was able to drop my daughter off and make a beeline back to the car. By the time I got home, I couldn’t feel my fingers, despite having two pair of gloves on! Piglet the tuxedo cat had the right idea about how to spend this day.

I made an Instant Pot full of Cauliflower Potato Soup with white beans, threw the dishes in the dishwasher, and tidied up the kitchen. I cleaned the living room, started a load of laundry, and did a quick tidy-up of my daughter’s room. And then I settled down in my chair to do my 30 minutes of Read Harder, reading American Literary Almanac, edited by Karen L. Rood. I did my first 20 minutes of piano practice since mid-December. I’m still working on I Want It That Way and I was really pleased with how I sounded. I’ve got the verses and chorus down; I need to focus on the middle eight and the key change, and then I’ll be good!

I hung out on the computer for a bit before taking lunch to my daughter (BRRRR). At home, I had lunch, then took out the compost (super icy out there!). And since I had some extra time, I read two more chapters of Le Petit Prince. I tried to nap, but ended up just lying there with my eyes closed, so I read and helped my daughter with her math homework when she got home.

I took out the recycling and trash and hauled the cans to the curb, blended the soup, and then it was time for dinner! After we ate, I did my Duolingo, showered, put dinner away, and read until it was time for bed (no watching anything; my husband had a headache and fell asleep at 8 pm!).

 

Tuesday, 11 January, 2022

After breakfast and coffee, I scooped the litterbox, got dressed, and posted my review for Rad Girls Can: Stories of Bold, Brave, and Brilliant Young Women by Kate Schatz on my book blog. I dropped my daughter off at school- no standing outside again, too cold!- then I headed to Walmart for cat food. I also bought a seventy-cent loaf of herb bread and two dollar pie from the discount bakery rack. I was going to make bread, but this saved me the trouble!

At home, I loaded and ran the dishwasher, then did some organizing of my reading list. Some of the ebooks on my list (which I resolved to finally get through) were no longer available through my library (likely their license expired and the library didn’t renew them), so I ordered a few of those books via interlibrary loan and downloaded an ebook version of Miss Jacobson’s Journey by Carol Dun.

I did my 30 minutes of Read Harder, then began reading Miss Jacobson’s Journey. I took lunch to my daughter (BRRRR again), had lunch myself, read a little bit more, and then napped. It was hard waking myself up to pick my daughter up from school, plus my back hurt (which also explains the lack of exercise right now; I’m taking it a little easy for a few days).

I read while my husband did math with my daughter. We had leftover soup, bread, and pie for dinner. I did my Duolingo and showered, read my book, and my husband and I watched two episodes of Killer in Plain Sight before bed.

 

Wednesday, 12 January, 2022

Breakfast and coffee, and then I made my grocery list and got dressed. Today was warm enough to stand outside for school drop off, but we timed it so well that there was probably only a minute of standing before they let the kids in. Hurray! (And a squirrel visited our rain barrel before we left. So cute!)

I went to two grocery stores. No good deals this week, sadly. Aldi still looks a bit like a Soviet wasteland; lots of empty shelves. They didn’t have any coffee creamer at all for the second week in a row. They did have peppermint ice cream, though, so I bought some of that to have this week. ; )

At home, I put the groceries away, then sat down to do my volunteer work, but my computer decided to be grumpy and not let me.

 

Hmph. I instead finished reading Miss Jacobson’s Journey, returned it, and downloaded the next book on my list, Rookie Move by Sarina Bowen. I had just enough time to start reading it, and throw the dishes in the dishwasher, before it was time to take my daughter her lunch.

At home, I had just finished up my lunch when my mother-in-law stopped by for a few minutes to drop off my daughter’s Christmas present. She was sick with COVID over Christmas, so we weren’t able to get together, but fortunately, she had a mild case and is all better now. We both still masked, just in case- I also don’t want to potentially infect her with anything I might have, because who knows what her immune system can handle right now (not that I’m sick, but I’d rather be as safe as possible!).

I finally got my hour of volunteer work done, then I curled up in my chair and fell asleep. I also had to take some meds for my back the night before and those make me sleepy, and I was still feeling the effects from that. It’s such a yucky feeling! When I was finally able to haul my carcass off the chair, I ran the dishwasher and threw the pizza in the oven.

After dinner, I did my Duolingo and showered. And then I took a minute to absorb the news that a dear friend had died.

She was a beautiful, strong, fierce, independent, loving, intelligent, funny, witty woman who had been dealt a crummy hand in life but who somehow managed to keep going through all of it. Through no fault of her own, she contracted HPV and wound up with cervical cancer, which spread. She leaves behind two beautiful children the same ages as my own, children who deserved to have a mother there to watch them grow up. In her blessed memory, I will speak out loudly about the importance of vaccinating your children- both boys and girls- against cervical cancer. The vaccine came out too late for her; your children don’t have to die of this horrible cancer-causing virus. Please, in Jen’s name, to prevent your families the pain her children are feeling right now, talk to your doctor about Gardasil, the HPV vaccine. I will miss her so very much. May Jen’s memory be a blessing.

I showered, put the rest of dinner away, then hopped into bed with my kindle and read until my husband came upstairs. We watched two episodes of Killer in Plain Sight before going to bed.

 

That’s all for now! No big plans for the weekend here, just reading, mostly, and maybe a nap or two. Wishing you all a peaceful end of the week. Cherish your loved ones, friends, and do everything you can to protect them.

What's Been Going On: Thursday, 6 January, 2022 - Sunday, 9 January, 2022

 Chilly, chilly this morning! 14 degrees Fahrenheit this morning, and I’m NOT looking forward to standing out in that while waiting for my daughter’s teacher to come get the class when the bell rings.

Sending my daughter back to school today feels like a terrible decision out of a bunch of equally terrible decisions. Be kind to the parents in your life right now; we’re all struggling to do what’s best for our kids when given no real decent options. It’s really, really tough.

It's been a busy weekend around these parts. Nothing major, but I felt like I got a lot accomplished, which is always nice. Here’s what I’ve been up to lately!

 

Thursday, 6 January, 2022

After breakfast and coffee, I wrote and posted my Thursday post (I usually try to get these written at least the night before, but it doesn’t always happen), and I posted my review for Gory Details: Adventures from the Dark Side of Science by Erika Engelhaupt on my book blog. And then it was time to start ‘school’ with my daughter!

We read about how clothing is made, school in other countries (this was a long book, so we broke it up into parts), and a long book on lighthouses. Suffice it to say, my daughter never wants to go back in time to become a lighthouse keeper! I also had her do a bit of writing. Her writing has improved a lot since last year, so I’m really happy about that.

After lunch, I took out the recycling, loaded and ran the dishwasher, and we finished the book about school around the world. We did our 30 minutes of Read Harder (I’m reading American Literary Almanac by Karen L. Rood), then I finished reading Made in China by Amelia Pang.

I swept the living room, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, and cooked the pizza I’d bought the day before. We had dinner, and I did my Duolingo, biked for 25 minutes, then showered. I began reading The Premonition: A Pandemic Story by Michael Lewis, and my husband and I watched three episodes of Killer in Plain Sight before bed.

 

Friday, 7 January, 2022

 

Terrible night of sleep! It’s been too cold out to get much exercise, and my step count has been way down, which I think fed into my inability to sleep decently. I crawled out of bed, and after breakfast and coffee, I wrote up  my Friday post and posted that. My daughter and I tidied the living room and the kitchen, and I did some of my PT exercises with a resistance band to help out the crawly, restless-leg type syndromes I was having.

And then it was time for school work with my daughter. We read about colonial America, Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, and a story from the Osage tribe. She did her writing while I did more PT exercises.

After lunch, I chopped some broccoli, onion, and a red pepper, and put some tofu to press. I made the sauce for what would be Sheet Pan Cashew Tofu (this is seriously better than Chinese food delivery!), and made a batch of guacamole with the avocados that had been lingering on my kitchen counter all week. And of course I cleaned up my mess!

My daughter and I did our 30 minutes of Read Harder, and I dozed for a few minutes afterwards. My husband rubbed my back, which had decided it would be cranky and not work that well, and when he went downstairs, I put on my shoes and…walked laps around my house for thirty minutes! Gotta get that exercise in somewhere, right? What else can you do when it’s too cold to go outside? I actually got sweaty doing this.

Afterwards, I caught up on a few computer things, then cooked the Sheet Pan Cashew Tofu. We ate dinner, I put the leftovers away, loaded and ran the dishwasher, and then it was time for virtual services at my synagogue. It was another Kabbalat Shabbat service, so it was a little shorter than usual, which meant I was done in time to put my daughter to bed. I showered, read a little bit, and my husband and I watched three episodes of Killer in Plain Sight.

 

Saturday, 8 January, 2022

Coffee and breakfast, followed by scooping the litterbox, emptying and loading the dishwasher, and tidying the kitchen. I stripped the bed and put on the new sheets I’d bought a few weeks back, and started a load of laundry. I usually try to get this stuff done during the week, but with my daughter at home and needing to keep her learning, I didn’t get much of a chance, so I made an exception and got it done this day!

I wrote two book reviews, switched the laundry, and then it was time for lunch. I biked for 30 minutes, switched the laundry, and then settled down with Prayerbook Hebrew the Easy Way. I completed the whole second chapter on feminine nouns and added to my flashcard stash.

 

I put the dry blanket back on the bed, switched the laundry again, and then sat down to read two chapters of Le Petit Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. Since one of my goals is to read at least one book in French this year, I’m starting out a little easy. This is a good pick because I just read it in English to my daughter. I’ve read parts of it in French before (in high school, which was *mumblemumblemumble* years ago), but not all of it (I have read it entirely in Spanish, though!). I’ll read all of this and then move on to another French book. At some point during my reading, I got up and threw a batch of Cilantro Lime Rice into the Instant Pot.

We had faux-Chipotle bowls for dinner; I did my Duolingo and visited a few homemaking blogs afterwards. I showered, then crawled under my heated throw and finished reading The Premonition. Absolutely incredible book. We didn’t watch anything last night; my husband was too tired and had a headache.

 

Sunday, 9 January, 2022

After breakfast and coffee, I wrote a book review, then loaded and ran the dishwasher, and began reading 100 Side Hustles: Ideas for Making Extra Money by Chris Guillebeau. I don’t know that I’ll ever start up a business like these people have, but I’m not a hugely creative person, so I enjoy reading about others who are!

I cleaned up my side of the bedroom, and cleaned up that pile of clothes at the end of my bed. You know that pile. Some people’s piles are draped over a piece of exercise equipment; other people throw their pile on a chair in their bedroom. Mine is on top of a Sterilite container that holds all the jeans that I can’t really wear anymore due to chronic pain but that I keep holding onto thinking that one day it’ll get better enough for me to wear them again (sigh…). The pile always contains sweatshirts and sweatpants and shirts I only had on for an hour or two; it gets especially bad when the weather goes back and forth and I’m forced to change outfits like I’m a cast member of a Broadway musical. I also tidied up the rack that holds the dresses and cardigans I wear most days.

I switched the laundry (there was still a load in the washer, waiting to be dried!), cleaned off some of the stuff on the kitchen table (mostly piles of unopened mail that my husband has neglected for several months!), and then it was time for lunch. Afterwards, I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and read for a bit, until my husband suggested we do Pilates. I found a 30-minute yoga/Pilates combo, so we did that, and my back did NOT like it one bit. I pretty much lay down on my chair and passed out for 45 minutes when we were finished!

I sautéed some onion, garlic, and green pepper and read a little bit before taking the recycling out (BRRR!!! Also ICY!!!), and I brought in a bag of tater tots from the garage. I threw together my version of SouthwestTater Tot Casserole (I always add salsa to the eggs; sometimes I add black beans), put the dishes in the dishwasher, then sat down to write this post (with the cat on my lap. So warm!). We had dinner, I did my Duolingo, showered, and showered my daughter. I put the rest of dinner away, and loaded and ran the dishwasher.

I put my daughter to bed, then headed to my heated throw to read. My husband and I watched three episodes of Killer in Plain Sight, and then it was time for what turned out to be a terrible night of sleep. Boo.

 

And that’s it for now! Today will be filled with a lot of random chores. It’s the first day I’ll have the house to myself since school let out for winter break, so there’s a lot of tidying up to do. Of course, I’ll still be taking my daughter out of school at lunch time, so that will still break my day up, but I’d rather do that than have her sit in the lunchroom with 34824309034 unmasked kids, especially with the recent news about how diabetes diagnoses are up among kids that have had COVID. Not my idea of a good time as a parent.

Wishing you all peace and warmth this week!!!