It's been that kind of week. But I do have something else I want to talk about, and I'd love to hear what you think. Maybe you do the same thing and can commiserate, or maybe you've worked through this and can give me some advice.
So I have this problem.
It's stupid, but it's something that's been really bothering me for a while now. There are certain things that I do, that I actually love doing, but when it comes time to sitting down and doing them...I psych myself out.
It doesn't matter how many times I've done it before, or even if the finished product was great. My brain still goes, "You're not going to be any good at it this time. It's too big of a task. It's been too long since you did this the last time. Why bother? You're going to screw it all up."
Sewing is one of those things. I'm not a professional sewer; my mom gave me her old sewing machine years ago and, with a LOT of swearing and a not-insignificant amount of tears, I sat down and figured out how to sew my son a cloak for his Paul Revere Halloween costume. It wasn't perfect, but it was definitely acceptable and not a bad first project. So I sewed him some shorts and a pair of pajama pants as well.
My daughter wears those pants now!
After that, it took me a while to get back into sewing, but with the help of Pinterest, I picked up a few more projects. I still swore a LOT while sewing, though, because I worked mostly through trial and error. It's how we learn, right?
I made a few aprons out of men's dress shirts.
My old house. We never once used that gas fireplace!
I still use these all the time.
And then I turned a thrift store bedsheet into a skirt.
Not bad, considering I had no pattern and just kind of winged it.
When I got pregnant with my daughter, I wanted a wrap-style carrier, but they were all too expensive, so thanks to Pinterest, I found a pattern and got to sewing.
8 months pregnant. That's my son's stuffed monkey in the wrap!
And there. Wrap in action. :)
I've only pulled the sewing machine out once since my daughter was born 4.5 years ago. The sewing machine was in the Basement of Doom, it wasn't pleasant down there, and I wasn't sleeping at all. But I did get it together enough to sew my daughter a superhero cape for her second birthday.
Kind of an action shot!
Wearing it to the store with Papa. :)
And since then...nothing. At first, it was the basement. I didn't want to be down there, with as messy as it was (and I don't think anyone could blame me for that!), but as time went by, my brain started whispering, "You have no clue what you're doing. You'll screw it up, you'll waste fabric, you'll end up having to throw out perfectly good fabric because you have no clue what you're doing with that sewing machine, so why bother? Just forget about it." And so I've been putting off pulling out my sewing machine again, out of fear.
It's not just sewing that I psych myself out about, because my brain can't just be a jerk about one thing. It's writing, too.
I love to write. I always have. As an adult, I've actually completed two novels. The first was...not good. The second was better, I think. It got some attention from literary agents. No takers, and for some good reasons, I think, but it was a huge win for me simply to get requests, and looking back, I'm pretty happy that I even finished those two novels. It's a lot of work, but I persevered. If I did it two times, I can do it again, right?
But lately, my brain has been chattering away at me. "You'll screw it all up," it tells me. "It's going to be terrible. You have no idea what you're doing; why are you even bothering?" And so I've been procrastinating on writing. I open my Word document, edit a few things, maybe make some notes in my file I use to keep notes about my story, and then I basically just run away out of fear. It makes no sense, because I know where the backspace button is, and if something I write stinks, I can get rid of it and start over. But instead, I sit, paralyzed, unable to write a single word.
It's not just sewing that I psych myself out about, because my brain can't just be a jerk about one thing. It's writing, too.
I love to write. I always have. As an adult, I've actually completed two novels. The first was...not good. The second was better, I think. It got some attention from literary agents. No takers, and for some good reasons, I think, but it was a huge win for me simply to get requests, and looking back, I'm pretty happy that I even finished those two novels. It's a lot of work, but I persevered. If I did it two times, I can do it again, right?
But lately, my brain has been chattering away at me. "You'll screw it all up," it tells me. "It's going to be terrible. You have no idea what you're doing; why are you even bothering?" And so I've been procrastinating on writing. I open my Word document, edit a few things, maybe make some notes in my file I use to keep notes about my story, and then I basically just run away out of fear. It makes no sense, because I know where the backspace button is, and if something I write stinks, I can get rid of it and start over. But instead, I sit, paralyzed, unable to write a single word.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately on how to move past this paralysis. I'm going to have to get over the sewing fear soon; Halloween is coming and my daughter wants to be Nature Cat (a cartoon character from a PBS show, if you're not familiar. It's a fantastic show, well-written, hilarious and educational at the same time). I have a pattern for the hat. Patterns tend to freak me out a bit, but this looks ridiculously simple, so I'm not too worried. The tunic, I'm just going to wing it based on a bigger-sized shirt, because where we live, Halloween could be 80 degrees, or it could be 30, and I need a costume that can be worn over a coat, just in case. The little sash/belt thing, I'll just cut out and stitch on, no problem, and she's got a pair of brown pants and brown boots she can wear. It'll be a super cute costume. I'm on a deadline here, so that'll definitely help motivate me to get the job done, but I'm thinking more about the other things I want to sew, and the story I'm wanting to write.
How do I push past this fear of screwing it all up? How do I metaphorically punch my brain in the face and get it to shut up with its constant negativity? I know that the only way through it is through it...but it's hard just to get the engines going. It's scary, especially when there's a constant background chanting of, "Nothing will be as good as the things you've already done, so don't bother."
Do you struggle with this? I don't think it's uncommon, based on what I've seen from other people (including other writers). I'd REALLY love to hear your take on this. Are you putting things off out of fear? Do you psych yourself out of starting new projects, even if you've successfully completed similar projects in the past? If you've figured out a way to silence the negativity that your brain likes to throw at you, let me know, because this? Is driving me a little crazy.
Do you struggle with this? I don't think it's uncommon, based on what I've seen from other people (including other writers). I'd REALLY love to hear your take on this. Are you putting things off out of fear? Do you psych yourself out of starting new projects, even if you've successfully completed similar projects in the past? If you've figured out a way to silence the negativity that your brain likes to throw at you, let me know, because this? Is driving me a little crazy.
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